a girl got a tattoo of a seashell on her inner thigh.

She put her boyfriends head down there
and asked “can you hear the ocean?”
he said ” no but I can smell the fish”

OFMGGGSDKLFHASKJFHSDFJKHAHHAHAHAHAH

HAHAHAHHAHAAHAHHAHAHA

When your friend is trying to take a picture of you…

When You Accidently Break Something In A Store…

When I die, I want someone to keep updating my facebook status to freak people out.

People be like

“It’s colder than i thought it would be in hell.” “Send food”
“Didn’t anyone tell them I’m claustrophobic?”
“Umm…you guys…can you like…dig me up…I’m 6 feet under the ground in a coffin with my phone so uhhh yeah…”
“Omg, Satan is so funny!”
“Hell isn’t that bad, at least you get internet :)”
“Hitlers a badass!”

date ideas

When people say they’re going to have a snack.

Them:

Me:

Awesome Zombie-Proof House

It looks awesome enough in normal state.




And then, Zombie Apocalypse? No worry. Maximum security has been designed.






I have no other word to describe how awesome this is, other than that i *need* one.

3am phonecall: “Hey are you asleep?”

“NO I’M FUCKIN SKYDIVING”

LMFAO